So I had to go to the doctor yesterday to see if I was in the midst of having a stroke or some other serious vascular disturbance (several days of a seriously painful vein in my leg, random, and a pounding headache had me worried). Fortunately, my doctor thought it was nothing more than early-onset vericose veins (sexy!) and residual sinus headache from a sinus infection I didn't realize I had last week. Good news aside, that wasn't the big takeaway from the doctor visit....I had to get weighed while I was there.
And while it was not surprising that I gained some weight, the total amount of weight I had gained was stunning. I thought I might have gained 5-7 lbs...maybe. Nope. Maybe 10 lbs. Nope. Try 15 lbs since my last appointment in February! Holy moly! And this means I've gained a grand total of 20 lbs since my wedding last October. I gave myself a bit of a pass following our wedding since we had a long honeymoon planned in Hawaii, and by the time we got back, we were sliding right into Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then New Years. And somehow 10 months later, 20 lbs had found their way on my body (and I'm one of those lucky people who gain weight only in her midsection).
Ick.
And I am a lucky girl because my husband has not made a single comment about my ever-expanding girth. And when I've whined about it, he's only been supportive and said he'd go along with any food changes or exercise plans I wanted to work into my life. Nice. And yet I've done nothing.
What's a particularly cruel irony (and an obvious explanation for this little predicament I find myself in) is how very much I enjoy food. I read copious amounts of food blogs, restaurant reviews, chef memoirs, you name it. I love to eat out (and do so frequently). I really like to cook. I even have a food blog here in Cincinnati. But I need to make some changes. But I'm not interested in going on a strict diet, and I'm not interested in becoming a gym fanatic. But I have to do something. If nothing else, I have to stop the weight gain. And I need to be mindful that my weight, combined with my serious hatred of my job and the seemingly endless stress it causes, is going to lead me to some serious health crisis sooner than later. While I was driving to the doctor yesterday, I couldn't help but think I'm now only 5 years younger than my dad was when he dropped dead of a heart attack at 41. I really need to make some changes.
And the food and exercise is something I can try to make some inroads on immediately. I'm not going to go crazy or drive myself crazy, but I need to get a healthier perspective and act on it. And then I'm going to have to tackle this job drama and find something that doesn't counteract my efforts. Oy.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Decisions; Or, Why Taking Action Seems So Difficult
I'm mulling over the possibility of applying for a new job. It's not entirely "new" in the sense it would be radically different than what I do today. It actually seems like a scaled-down version of what I do today - just at a new company, with a tweaked set of responsibilities, all of which fall well within my comfort zone for a job. And while it's in the same industry as I'm currently in, it's not with a direct competitor either, so some of those angst-inducing issues are not present with this situation. (I've considered, in my more angry moments, applying for jobs at competitors' sites. Thus far, I've resisted.)
The one big change this new opportunity would present would be working in an office. I've worked remotely for over 6 years now, and while it can be extremely satisfying to roll out of bed and straight into your office or to be able to take off for an appointment without feeling like eyes are watching your every move, it can also be a drag. There are days when I do not speak to other people (rare, but they happen), there are days when I do not see another human being, and there are plenty of days when I do not leave my apartment - sometimes for days at a time (this becomes especially true in winter, worst of all). While for most people the routine of getting up each day, leaving the house, and commuting into the office is pure drudgery, I think it sounds nifty. And to be clear, I've worked in an office before - in fact, I was one of those people who followed just the routine I described, even having a 1+ hour, each way, commute through suburban Philadelphia...and I still preferred that to the routine I have today. When it all boils down to it, it's a lonely existence working remotely, and if you love what you do, the loneliness can be compensated by other more-liked aspects of the job. When you hate much of what you do, the loneliness of working remotely is compounded ten-fold.
I think because so many people in my company are now remote, we've lost the ability to communicate with one another like professionals should. Because it's so easy to zing someone, blast their idea, or be openly hostile with a disembodied voice on a conference line, people do it. With frequency. But what was odd is that normally when I had to go into our corporate offices (which I do every couple of months, usually for about a week at a time), civility would return and meetings would be productively antagonistic but still very much professional and conducted with the appropriate decorum. Not so last week when I was in the office --- my boss and I were ambushed utterly by two other vice presidents who had obviously conspired ahead of time to work out a plan of attack. So maybe it's not more fun to work with people instead of remotely. Hahah.
And maybe that's precisely my point, but I've been dressing it up and trotting it out as a remote work/office work strawman instead. Maybe I just have had enough of my company, the people I work with, and the political infighting that I'm quite sure is on the cusp of tearing my particular division apart. It's sad. I've worked in this division for 10 years. So much of my life, and much as I hate to admit it, my identity is tied into this job. But if last week is the start of a new epoch in my division, maybe trying to get out now is what I should focus my energy on.
Anyone find themselves in a similar situation? Other than telling myself the grass won't necessarily be any greener in another pasture (it'll just be a different shade of green, I am sure), I think maybe it's time for me to move on.
The one big change this new opportunity would present would be working in an office. I've worked remotely for over 6 years now, and while it can be extremely satisfying to roll out of bed and straight into your office or to be able to take off for an appointment without feeling like eyes are watching your every move, it can also be a drag. There are days when I do not speak to other people (rare, but they happen), there are days when I do not see another human being, and there are plenty of days when I do not leave my apartment - sometimes for days at a time (this becomes especially true in winter, worst of all). While for most people the routine of getting up each day, leaving the house, and commuting into the office is pure drudgery, I think it sounds nifty. And to be clear, I've worked in an office before - in fact, I was one of those people who followed just the routine I described, even having a 1+ hour, each way, commute through suburban Philadelphia...and I still preferred that to the routine I have today. When it all boils down to it, it's a lonely existence working remotely, and if you love what you do, the loneliness can be compensated by other more-liked aspects of the job. When you hate much of what you do, the loneliness of working remotely is compounded ten-fold.
I think because so many people in my company are now remote, we've lost the ability to communicate with one another like professionals should. Because it's so easy to zing someone, blast their idea, or be openly hostile with a disembodied voice on a conference line, people do it. With frequency. But what was odd is that normally when I had to go into our corporate offices (which I do every couple of months, usually for about a week at a time), civility would return and meetings would be productively antagonistic but still very much professional and conducted with the appropriate decorum. Not so last week when I was in the office --- my boss and I were ambushed utterly by two other vice presidents who had obviously conspired ahead of time to work out a plan of attack. So maybe it's not more fun to work with people instead of remotely. Hahah.
And maybe that's precisely my point, but I've been dressing it up and trotting it out as a remote work/office work strawman instead. Maybe I just have had enough of my company, the people I work with, and the political infighting that I'm quite sure is on the cusp of tearing my particular division apart. It's sad. I've worked in this division for 10 years. So much of my life, and much as I hate to admit it, my identity is tied into this job. But if last week is the start of a new epoch in my division, maybe trying to get out now is what I should focus my energy on.
Anyone find themselves in a similar situation? Other than telling myself the grass won't necessarily be any greener in another pasture (it'll just be a different shade of green, I am sure), I think maybe it's time for me to move on.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
New Orleans Bound; Or, How Chunk Got Her Groove Back
We head to New Orleans tomorrow for a much needed long weekend of rest, relaxation, and serious eating and drinking...and listening to music, which is probably one of my favorite things in the world to do (especially after eating and drinking in New Orleans). I can hardly wait to get back to Preservation Hall and the countless other little spots where I will get my fill of blues (or try!).
In the meantime, enjoy your weeks/weekends, and hopefully my curmudgeon quotient will be down after this trip (probably not, but we can hope).
In the meantime, enjoy your weeks/weekends, and hopefully my curmudgeon quotient will be down after this trip (probably not, but we can hope).
Friday, September 4, 2009
I Weep for the Future; Or, How I Think I Just Quit Facebook
I won't claim to be uninterested in politics. I won't even try to act like I'm apolitical. Ill informed on some topics, yes. But because of my job, my previous job, my ultimate job in the future, and just my natural interest in the subject matter, I do tend to keep up on matters related to education.
And if I see or hear one more person complain about Obama's welcome-back-to-school/take-ownership-of-your-own-educational-success speech that he will give on Tuesday, I think I might just flip my shit right on out.
And if as a parent you either too lazy, dumb, or uninterested to actually look into what the President's speech is going to cover, or read first-hand for yourself what these so-called socialist-leaning, Obama-deifying, cult-of-personality-laden accompanying lesson plans include, then you are not doing your job as a parent.
But what I am seeing left and right --- and even on Facebook, for God's sake --- are people ranting about this...and yet they rant based on what they heard on Fox News, or what they saw on some other half-truth website, or what their equally ignorant friend told them. Doesn't anyone actually go to the source for information anymore? When I first heard about this speech, I didn't go to CNN; I didn't go to Fox; I didn't go to Huffington Post....no, I actually went to http://www.whitehouse.gov/. Shocker! Who'd have thought one could actually read the lesson plans themselves, rather than hearing about their salacious, evil, turn-our-children-into-Commie-Pinkos-before-our-very-eyes content from some second-, third-, or fourth-hand source?
I keep wondering if these same people who are so outraged about Obama's speech and who are actually going to deny their children a day of school as a means of "protecting" them from this speech - do these same people feel that Ronald Reagan or George H.W. Bush were similarly fascist when they gave similar broadcasts during their presidencies? Did they compare Reagan and Bush to Kim Jung Il or Saddam Hussein? Unlikely.
And when people -- nay, parents -- are so quick to act on mis-/dis-information in relation to their children and want to wear that like some sort of badge on tv, in radio interviews, and on Facebook...I shudder to think about what ignorance they are actually espousing to their children about the matter. How about this? Even if you disagree, even if you hate Obama -- why not make this a "teachable moment" for kids? Talk about why Obama has the right to speak to school kids, or why (in your view) he should not, why everyone has the right in this country to speak their mind or give their opinion, and --- golly gee -- why kids might actually need to give some thought to taking some responsibility for ensuring their own educational success (the actual point to Obama's comments, after all). Rather than bury one's head in the sand and act like that addresses the problem - how about dealing with the problem in a way that might actually make a child think about these issues, their goverment, their education, and the role they play in all these things.
And if I see or hear one more person complain about Obama's welcome-back-to-school/take-ownership-of-your-own-educational-success speech that he will give on Tuesday, I think I might just flip my shit right on out.
And if as a parent you either too lazy, dumb, or uninterested to actually look into what the President's speech is going to cover, or read first-hand for yourself what these so-called socialist-leaning, Obama-deifying, cult-of-personality-laden accompanying lesson plans include, then you are not doing your job as a parent.
But what I am seeing left and right --- and even on Facebook, for God's sake --- are people ranting about this...and yet they rant based on what they heard on Fox News, or what they saw on some other half-truth website, or what their equally ignorant friend told them. Doesn't anyone actually go to the source for information anymore? When I first heard about this speech, I didn't go to CNN; I didn't go to Fox; I didn't go to Huffington Post....no, I actually went to http://www.whitehouse.gov/. Shocker! Who'd have thought one could actually read the lesson plans themselves, rather than hearing about their salacious, evil, turn-our-children-into-Commie-Pinkos-before-our-very-eyes content from some second-, third-, or fourth-hand source?
I keep wondering if these same people who are so outraged about Obama's speech and who are actually going to deny their children a day of school as a means of "protecting" them from this speech - do these same people feel that Ronald Reagan or George H.W. Bush were similarly fascist when they gave similar broadcasts during their presidencies? Did they compare Reagan and Bush to Kim Jung Il or Saddam Hussein? Unlikely.
And when people -- nay, parents -- are so quick to act on mis-/dis-information in relation to their children and want to wear that like some sort of badge on tv, in radio interviews, and on Facebook...I shudder to think about what ignorance they are actually espousing to their children about the matter. How about this? Even if you disagree, even if you hate Obama -- why not make this a "teachable moment" for kids? Talk about why Obama has the right to speak to school kids, or why (in your view) he should not, why everyone has the right in this country to speak their mind or give their opinion, and --- golly gee -- why kids might actually need to give some thought to taking some responsibility for ensuring their own educational success (the actual point to Obama's comments, after all). Rather than bury one's head in the sand and act like that addresses the problem - how about dealing with the problem in a way that might actually make a child think about these issues, their goverment, their education, and the role they play in all these things.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Rules to Live By; Or, How I'm Trying to Lower My Blood Pressure
So I was talking to one of my friends at work today. She works from home too, so sometimes we chat on the phone, which I think is my equivalent to catching up in the coffee room or chatting over the water cooler, which you lucky folks who actually work in offices get to do. Most days my only contact with another living being is when my cat comes to check on me (barrage of nasty emails all day long notwithstanding).
My friend is one of those people who just lets everything bother her and make her feel even worse about herself than she does anyway. It's sad, and I often try to give her pep talks; I'm usually wildly unsuccessful in my effort, but I think today I might have helped myself more than my friend, even if it was inadvertant.
After she went on a (rather lengthy) tirade about how the person who was meant to back her up while she took a vacation actually had the audacity to take a vacation day herself, thus foiling my friend's back up plan, I told her about two rules I was trying to make myself repeat about 437 times a day:
1) Not everyone thinks the way I do. And thusly, not everyone makes the same decisions I would make, nor do they react to things as I do or expect them to.
2) I should try to be less judgemental of people who do not think the way I do.
To most normal people in the world, these are probably the most obvious, "how could you have lived 36 years without already realizing this?", types of thought. But they are not obvious to me, and they seemed even less obvious to my friend.
I told her I was trying to become less judgemental and critical because I felt like being both was largely what makes my job so infinitely frustrating, annoying, and puke-inducing (and these would be the good days). And this week is an especially trying week to attempt this little experiment since I've had one long-time employee choose this week as her semi-annual functional-adult-who-morphs-into-petulant-and-passive aggressive-7-year-old for her latest meltdown. Yeah, lucky me.
And understand here I am normally Ms. Judgy McJudgerson; I have an opinion, a comment, or a criticism for almost everything I encounter. So this is not an easy task. I need moral support here, readers.
What other axiom should I add to my daily chant?
My friend is one of those people who just lets everything bother her and make her feel even worse about herself than she does anyway. It's sad, and I often try to give her pep talks; I'm usually wildly unsuccessful in my effort, but I think today I might have helped myself more than my friend, even if it was inadvertant.
After she went on a (rather lengthy) tirade about how the person who was meant to back her up while she took a vacation actually had the audacity to take a vacation day herself, thus foiling my friend's back up plan, I told her about two rules I was trying to make myself repeat about 437 times a day:
1) Not everyone thinks the way I do. And thusly, not everyone makes the same decisions I would make, nor do they react to things as I do or expect them to.
2) I should try to be less judgemental of people who do not think the way I do.
To most normal people in the world, these are probably the most obvious, "how could you have lived 36 years without already realizing this?", types of thought. But they are not obvious to me, and they seemed even less obvious to my friend.
I told her I was trying to become less judgemental and critical because I felt like being both was largely what makes my job so infinitely frustrating, annoying, and puke-inducing (and these would be the good days). And this week is an especially trying week to attempt this little experiment since I've had one long-time employee choose this week as her semi-annual functional-adult-who-morphs-into-petulant-and-passive aggressive-7-year-old for her latest meltdown. Yeah, lucky me.
And understand here I am normally Ms. Judgy McJudgerson; I have an opinion, a comment, or a criticism for almost everything I encounter. So this is not an easy task. I need moral support here, readers.
What other axiom should I add to my daily chant?
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