Decisions; Or, Why Taking Action Seems So Difficult

I'm mulling over the possibility of applying for a new job. It's not entirely "new" in the sense it would be radically different than what I do today. It actually seems like a scaled-down version of what I do today - just at a new company, with a tweaked set of responsibilities, all of which fall well within my comfort zone for a job. And while it's in the same industry as I'm currently in, it's not with a direct competitor either, so some of those angst-inducing issues are not present with this situation. (I've considered, in my more angry moments, applying for jobs at competitors' sites. Thus far, I've resisted.)

The one big change this new opportunity would present would be working in an office. I've worked remotely for over 6 years now, and while it can be extremely satisfying to roll out of bed and straight into your office or to be able to take off for an appointment without feeling like eyes are watching your every move, it can also be a drag. There are days when I do not speak to other people (rare, but they happen), there are days when I do not see another human being, and there are plenty of days when I do not leave my apartment - sometimes for days at a time (this becomes especially true in winter, worst of all). While for most people the routine of getting up each day, leaving the house, and commuting into the office is pure drudgery, I think it sounds nifty. And to be clear, I've worked in an office before - in fact, I was one of those people who followed just the routine I described, even having a 1+ hour, each way, commute through suburban Philadelphia...and I still preferred that to the routine I have today. When it all boils down to it, it's a lonely existence working remotely, and if you love what you do, the loneliness can be compensated by other more-liked aspects of the job. When you hate much of what you do, the loneliness of working remotely is compounded ten-fold.

I think because so many people in my company are now remote, we've lost the ability to communicate with one another like professionals should. Because it's so easy to zing someone, blast their idea, or be openly hostile with a disembodied voice on a conference line, people do it. With frequency. But what was odd is that normally when I had to go into our corporate offices (which I do every couple of months, usually for about a week at a time), civility would return and meetings would be productively antagonistic but still very much professional and conducted with the appropriate decorum. Not so last week when I was in the office --- my boss and I were ambushed utterly by two other vice presidents who had obviously conspired ahead of time to work out a plan of attack. So maybe it's not more fun to work with people instead of remotely. Hahah.

And maybe that's precisely my point, but I've been dressing it up and trotting it out as a remote work/office work strawman instead. Maybe I just have had enough of my company, the people I work with, and the political infighting that I'm quite sure is on the cusp of tearing my particular division apart. It's sad. I've worked in this division for 10 years. So much of my life, and much as I hate to admit it, my identity is tied into this job. But if last week is the start of a new epoch in my division, maybe trying to get out now is what I should focus my energy on.

Anyone find themselves in a similar situation? Other than telling myself the grass won't necessarily be any greener in another pasture (it'll just be a different shade of green, I am sure), I think maybe it's time for me to move on.